Oto Vs Akatsuki
by xotakux2002x
Summary: Second part of the Akatsuki saga. A new gang has come to town, and threatens the supremacy of the Akatsuki. sasodei kisaita kakuhidan zettobi peinkonan
1. Prologue

A car pulled up in front of the high school, well hidden by the darkness the night provided. "So, this is the place," A rotund teenager said, eyeing the building.

"No duh. What the hell were you expecting, fatass?" A girl asked, annoyed at having to be out so late.

"Tayuya, calm down," a third voice ordered.

"Or what, Kidomaru?" the redhead asked.

"All three of you shut up," a voice hissed, silencing the teens at once.

"Sorry boss," Kidomaru muttered, looking away from the female in front of him.

"Kabuto, what can you tell us about this place?" Orochimaru asked, already ignoring his other subordinates.

"Well, this place is a little different from what we normally deal with," the computer geek explained, pushing his glasses up as he spoke. "Normally, when we enter a school, we just have a few small gangs that can easily be crushed-"

"It really isn't much fun," Sakon interjected. "The fight's always over so quickly; I always wonder if it was worth our time."

"You're insane," Ukon replied. "It's better to end things quickly, brother."

"You two should shut the hell up," Tayuya snapped. "I just want to hear the fucking information and get the hell out of here."

"Calm down Tayuya," Kimimaro ordered.

"As I was saying," Kabuto went on a rather annoyed tone, "this place is different. There is already a central power in place that pretty much has the entire school by the throat."

"Oh really?" Orochimaru asked, voicing the opinions of his subordinates. Now they were interested.

"The organization is called the Akatsuki-"

"What the hell?!"

"Tayuya, I told you to be quiet."

"That has to be the stupidest-"

"One more word out of any of you and you'll regret it!" Orochimaru hissed, yellow eyes narrowing. The teens quickly shut up; pissing off their leader was never a good idea.

"Anyway, this Akatsuki has all the bases covered. Bombings, threatening messages, hacking the school computer system on a whim; you name it, these people have done it."

"How many?" Orochimaru asked.

"Supposedly there's ten people total; nine males, one female."

"Either that bitch is a total slut, or they're all fags," Tayuya stated.

"Watch your language," Jirobo commanded.

"Why do you say 'supposedly'?" Kimimaro asked.

Kabuto grinned before continuing. "These people are professionals. They have never once been caught in the act, and there's never any evidence left over to bring the criminals to the light. They're smart, to say the least."

"Weaknesses?"

"The Akatsuki is a bit soft." Kabuto bent down and retrieved several papers lying on the floorboard. "The bombs have only been set off in empty rooms. When the system is hacked, no changes are made that could seriously hurt someone, like giving a kid AIDS or something. They don't actually harm people; they just show off that they can."

"Being able to do something and actually doing it are totally different things," Kidomaru stated plainly.

"We can use that to our advantage," Sakon noted.

"Great. This sounds like it'll take some time," Ukon growled.

"Brother, you are far too impatient for your own good."

"Orochimaru, what do you suggest we do?" Kimimaro asked calmly.

The snake remained quiet, thinking, before looking up at his subordinates with a sadistic grin on his face. "We've heard what they're capable of doing. What say we show this Akatsuki exactly what _we're_ capable of doing? There's no point in holding back against these people. The other fools around here have already decided that they are the power to fear, after all. If we want to bring this place to its knees, we have to completely and totally crush the Akatsuki. By any means necessary."


	2. Chapter 1

It was the first day of school. The day that Kakuzu, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu had all been dreading for the past two months. Why? Because they were responsible for making sure that their ukes got out of bed in time for school. The problem was, ukes are not morning people.

-m-

"Itachi, time to get up," Kisame said, staring at the lump under the blankets on their bed.

"Grrrrr….."

"No growling, angel," Kisame ordered.

"Hisssssssssssssss…"

"No hissing either," Kisame went on, reaching under the blanket to grab his love-

CHOMP

"And no biting," Kisame muttered, rubbing his now red hand while eyeing the blanket warily. He finally managed to grab the top and pull the covers down, exposing Itachi to the sunlight. "Now get up."

"No."

"Itachi-"

"Go find some dead fish to munch on, you stupid shark." Itachi grabbed the blanket and pulled it back up over his head, intent on getting back to sleep.

"_Take a few deep breaths, Kisame. Remember, he's your boyfriend. The love of your life. You don't really want to kill him, you only think you do._"

-m-

"Hidan, get up."

"Grrrrrr…."

"Hidan, get up or I'll throw you down the stairs."

"That a promise?"

"…Only you could like domestic abuse."

-m-

"Tobi, get up.

"Grrrrrr…."

"**Now!**"

"But Tobi wants to sleep, Zetsu!"

"**Too bad!** Tobi, you want to be a good boy, don't you?"

"Yes Zetsu."

"Good boys have to go to school. **Huh?** If you don't go to school, you can't be a good boy. **Oh, I get it!**"

"But, but, Tobi wants to be a good boy!"

"**Then get up and get dressed.**"

-m-

"Brat, get up."

"Grrrrrr…" (Notice a pattern here?)

"I let you sleep in late, Dei, so get up already!"

Deidara merely reached into a drawer on his bedside table, extracted a sculpture of a bird, and chucked it in Sasori's general direction.

BOOOOOOOOOOOM

"You just tried to blow me up!" Sasori shouted, eyes wide.

"Danna, go away, un."

WHAM

"Oww!" Deidara cried, sitting up and rubbing his head, glaring at the shoe Sasori had thrown at him. "What was that for, un?!"

"Take a wild guess, brat."

-m-

"Alright, is everyone here?" Pein asked, staring at the teens around him.

"No, we're missing Kakuzu and Hidan," Konan replied

"Well where in blazes are they-"

THUMP THUMP THUMP

"Dammit to hell, Kuzu!"

"What, you want me to throw you down the stairs again?" Kakuzu asked, dragging his boyfriend into the living room.

"…Maybe."

"You people can do that later," Pein growled, once again cursing his choice of members for the Akatsuki. It wouldn't be the last time he did that today, he was certain. "Alright, everyone into the car."

Getting ten people to fit inside the Akatsuki car was quite a challenge, especially since the vehicle had only been built for five people at a time. The only way it would work was to have Kakuzu, Kisame, and Zetsu sit in the back, with Pein driving and Konan in the passenger seat. Hidan and Itachi would sit on the floorboard in back, Tobi would stretch out across the semes' laps, and Sasori and Deidara were crammed into the floor space on the passenger's side.

"Can't we get a second car, un?" Deidara asked, trying to adjust his position so his elbow was no longer in Sasori's stomach.

"Do you have any idea how much that would cost?" Kakuzu asked, shifting his leg so Hidan was no longer sitting on it.

"The damn thing would pay for itself," Hidan growled, moving back on top of Kakuzu's leg.

"Agreed. I'm sick of sitting cross-legged because those two are hogging all the leg room!" Konan added.

"Can we please talk about this when I'm not trying to drive through traffic?" Pein asked, already irritable because his seat had been pushed all the way forward to make room for Itachi. None of them wanted to get pulled over with all of them crammed into the car at once.

"We'll vote on it next time we have a house meeting. Alright?" Kakuzu asked.

"Fine," Hidan said, the others nodding in agreement.

The Akatsuki arrived at school minutes later and quickly piled out, doing a near-perfect imitation of a clown car. "Be it ever so horrid, there's no place like hell," Hidan muttered, looking up at the school.

"Cheer up, Hidan," Kisame said, grinning. "You know as well as I do that the Akatsuki has this place wrapped around our little finger."

"Don't be too sure," Itachi muttered.

"Huh?" Everyone's focus fell on the Uchiha. "Whaddya mean, Itachi?"

"Call it an overwhelming sense of foreboding, but I've got a bad feeling about this year," Itachi growled, eyes narrowing. The others instantly went on high alert. The weasel's feelings were never wrong; last time he'd been like this, Tobi had stuffed a box of firecrackers inside the oven. They still couldn't bake anything to this day.

"You sure?" Pein asked.

"Hn," Itachi replied, walking off.

"Translation?" Konan asked.

"Of course I am. Keep your guard up; mine will be," Kisame roughly explained, before following his boyfriend into the school. The others quickly spread out, sticking close to their partners as the entered the building.

Things were fine, until Kakuzu and Hidan started walking towards the tech unit. As they were walking, they noticed more kids walking down this way than usual, and they were all whispering about something down the hall. Curious, the duo increased their pace, trying to see what had shaken up the students so much.

They got their answer when they turned the corner.

Spray-painted on the wall was a large, red Akatsuki cloud, with a huge black X going through it. Sprayed above that was a short message: "Say your prayers f***ers."

"What the hell…"

"Looks like Itachi was right," Kakuzu muttered, eyes glued to the graffiti before them.

"Kuzu, what the hell do we do now?"

"We have to tell Pein about this," Kakuzu replied, turning and walking away from the crowd, with Hidan on his heels. "This is gonna get messy."


	3. Chapter 2

"You're absolutely sure it was an Akatsuki cloud?" Pein asked, frowning as Kakuzu nodded in confirmation. "In that case, we have a problem."

"Hn."

"Do we even need to ask, un?"

"He said told you so," Kisame translated, picking at his lunch. Thanks to a bit of strategic hacking, courtesy of Zetsu, the entire Akatsuki had been able to get lunch together. They were currently sitting in the rear of the cafeteria, clustered around one table and trying to figure out what to do about this problem.

"How do we even know these guys are a fucking threat? Probably just some smartass freshmen punks who thought they could ruffle our feathers…"

"Doubtful," Sasori said. "Even the middle school kids fear the Akatsuki now. No, these guys aren't just run of the mill thugs."

"Sempai, are you going to drink your chocolate milk?" Tobi asked.

"You can't have it, un. It'll make you hyper."

"Why are you drinking that stuff?" Sasori asked. "It's nothing but fat."

"Are you calling me fat, un?!"

"No I just-"

SLAP

"Dei, what the hell?!"

"Don't call me fat, un!"

"I didn't!"

"It's ok Deidara," Konan said, reaching over to hug the blonde. "I still think you look smexy!"

"KONAN!" Pein yelled.

"What? Admit it, he looks smexy!"

"Dammit, I forgot my sacrifice!"

"Just as well. Those animals were costing us a fortune," Kakuzu muttered.

"Zetsu, may Tobi have your chocolate milk?"

"Kisame?"

"Yeah Itachi?"

"We're doomed."

-m-

"Those guys don't look too shook up," Kidomaru stated, eyeing the Akatsuki from across the lunchroom. All seven of the Otogakure members were sitting at a lunch table, watching their enemies with calm looks on their faces.

"Nice job on getting us in here," Jirobo said, looking at Kabuto for a brief instant. Zetsu wasn't the only person who knew how to hack the computers for a little schedule alteration.

"No problem," Kabuto said, adjusting his glasses.

"What did you even put in that message?" Sakon asked, looking at Tayuya and Kimimaro.

"Say your prayers, fuckers, and an X through their gay-ass logo."

"Language, Tayuya."

"Shut it, fatass."

"What should we do now, Orochimaru,?" Kimimaro asked.

"Clearly our message has not gotten across to them," the snake answered, eyeing the group on the other end of the lunch room carefully. "I think it's time we gave them a taste of exactly what we can do."

-m-

BOOOOOOOOOOOM

Deidara and Sasori looked up at the noise, somewhat startled. "Brat, what did-"

"That wasn't me, un," Deidara said, eyes wide with shock.

"…Deidara, please tell me you're kidding."

"No, un."

-m-

All the students were told to exit the building immediately. Everyone was laughing and chatting amongst themselves, thinking that it was yet another Akatsuki prank-

Until the ambulances showed up in front of the school.

Pein watched the stretchers carrying the students out of the building, a grim look on his face when he saw the charred and unconscious teenagers. "Dammit, what the hell was Deidara thinking…"

"It wasn't me, un," the blonde said, walking up behind Pein.

"…Deidara, I want you to swear on your life that you had nothing to do with this bombing."

"I swear, un! You know that I never try to hurt people with my bombs! Well, except for a few preps, but they have it coming, un!"

"Alright, I believe you!" Pein said, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. His cell phone began buzzing, and he quickly pulled it out, looking at the new text message from Konan.

"I've got Ki, Ka, I, and H here. We're looking 4 Z and T. Where's S and D?"

"Deidara, where's Sasori?"

"No clue, un."

Pein began grumbling as he started texting. "S is AWOL, D is here. D DID NOT SET OFF BOMB."

Pein put up his cell phone just as a familiar blonde woman walked up to the two of them. "Deidara, I need you to come with me."

-m-

"Principal Tsunade, I swear I didn't set off that bomb, un! And have you redecorated lately, un?"

Tsunade was sitting in her office chair, staring across her desk at the blonde male before her. "Yes I have. And about the bomb; Deidara, as unbelievable as this sounds, I believe you."

The sculptor's mouth dropped open, staring in disbelief at his principal. "I know how you work, Deidara," the woman went on, "you set your bombs up in empty gyms, vacant areas of the cafeteria; places far away from where anyone could get hurt."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, un."

Tsunade frowned. "Deidara, let's not get into this now. The reason I brought you in here is because you're a bomber. As such, it's safe to assume that you know other bombers right?"

"I'm not a bomber, Tsunade. But I guess it's possible that a bomber would know other people with the same hobby, un."

"Good. Because the person who set off that bomb in the classroom left us a calling card." Tsunade reached into her desk and pulled out a small card, which she handed to the sculptor.

The paper had a single silver music note on it, with the words, "From Otogakure," scrawled beneath it. "What's an Otogakure, un?" Deidara asked.

"I was hoping you'd know," Tsunade said in a disappointed tone.

"Sorry, no dice, un."

"Deidara, if you're lying to protect a friend…well, just leave."

The blonde stood and crossed the room, heading for the door. "Tsunade," he said, clutching the doorframe.

"Hmm?"

"The beauty of explosions is how brief they are. That's what makes them art, un. But there is nothing artistic about setting off bombs with the intention to hurt someone, un." Without looking back, the bomber left Tsunade's office.

-m-

"Deidara, what'd she say?" Konan asked once her friend reemerged from the school building. Instantly the other Akatsuki members were crowded around as well.

"What's happened?" Pein questioned.

"Are you gonna get suspended?" Kakuzu asked

"Well, brat?"

"She knows that I didn't do it, un," Deidara explained, holding up the card for the others to see. "And she gave us a name to put with our enemies, un." Apparently, we'll dealing with some punks who call themselves the Otogakure."

"Never heard of them," Kisame said.

"Neither have I," Itachi said.

"I'll do some research. We need to find out who these guys are. **Before we're all blown to smithereens.**"


	4. Chapter 3

Over the course of the next few days, the Akatsuki began searching for the members of Otogakure. This was easier said than done; the teens had absolutely no clue who they were looking for, or where to look for them. "Damn, what the hell do we do now?" Hidan asked.

"The only thing we can do is wait and see what Oto's next move is," Pein replied. The Akatsuki was gathered in the living room for an emergency meeting, trying to figure out what to do now.

"Brilliant plan, Sir Leader," Kisame said sarcastically.

"You know as well as I do that that's about all we are capable of doing now, Kisame," Pein snapped. Their search had turned up virtually no results. Even Zetsu couldn't find much of anything online, save for articles concerning the recent bombings.

"I hate it, un. Just waiting around for those guys to pull another stunt," Deidara growled, clenching his fists.

"Tell me about it," Sasori muttered.

"Zetsu is doing his best to find these guys," Konan said, "But there is absolutely nothing else to do until we either get a hit or have another attack. That's the breaks, guys."

The Akatsuki nodded, grumbling in agreement.

-m-

"I can't believe it," Kidomaru said, shaking his head at the Akatsuki. "They don't look like anything happened."

"Look closer," Kimimaro ordered. "They're tense, and quieter than usual. We're getting to them."

"Does that mean we can move in for the kill?" Ukon asked.

"Patience brother," Sakon ordered. "It's too soon to do anything more."

"Not true," Orochimaru said, looking at the Akatsuki. "I think it's high time we made our relationship with Akatsuki…a bit more personal."

-m-

Hidan looked up and down the deserted hallway before walking down it, turning the corner and stepping outside the school building. The zealot walked along the brick wall before coming to a dumpster and sitting beside it. No point in spending such a wonderful day in a stuffy math class, in his opinion.

He leaned back against the dumpster, shutting his eyes and sighing contently. This was perfect. At least, until a shadow crossed over him, blocking out the sunlight.

He frowned, eyes still shut. Considering that he hadn't been yelled at yet, the person casting the shadow must be a student. "Hey, bastard, you can stay out here with me, but you have to stay out of the Jashin-damned sunlight, clear?"

"My, this guys certainly has a mouth on him," a voice said.

"I noticed," another voice said, almost identical to the first.

"Hidan Neko, right?"

"That's my name, asshole," Hidan said, eyes still shut.

"You're in the Akatsuki, aren't you?"

"We have a message for you. From the Oto." Hidan's eyes snapped open. Ok, these two now had his attention.

He quickly scrambled to his feet. "Allow me to introduce the two of us," the first one said. "We're the Mais twins. I'm Sakon, and this is Ukon."

"…Why the hell are you wearing lipstick?"

"You've got a problem with how we look?" Ukon asked, narrowing his eyes.

Hidan looked the twins up and down. Skintight clothing, longish hair, eye shadow, lipstick…"You bastards are seriously one or two steps away from being Jashin-damned drag queens."

The twins' eyes flared with rage. "Brother, can we please just give him the message?" Ukon asked.

"Works for me," Sakon replied, cracking his knuckles. Hidan frowned and shifted his weight. This wasn't gonna be pretty.

-m-

"Hey, where's Hidan?" Kisame asked, looking around.

"Kakuzu?" Pein asked expectantly.

"What? I'm not his keeper."

"No, you're just his boyfriend/roommate/partner!" Pein hissed. "And in case you haven't noticed, it's not safe for us to leave our partners on their own right now!"

"Tobi can find him!" The masked teen chirped happily, running off.

"Great. Now we're down two people," Konan grumbled.

"Danna, what's wrong, un?" Deidara asked.

"Hmm? Oh, it's nothing."

"Liar, un."

"Brat, don't worry about it."

"Don't call me a brat, un!"

"Would you two please put your spat on hold until we find Hidan and Tobi?" Kisame asked, seeing that Pein was getting very close to losing it.

"Tobi found Hidan!" the group turned and stared in shock at the two teens.

Hidan was leaning heavily on Tobi's shoulder, clutching his side. He had a black eye, and his lip was cracked. "Hidan!" the entire group clustered around the zealot, demanding an explanation.

"Ok, ok! Back off, you Jashin-damned heathens," the zealot growled, allowing himself to be transferred to Kakuzu's shoulders. "I'll tell you in the fucking car, ok?"

As soon as the group was in, Hidan began speaking. Tobi had been kind enough to trade places with Hidan, so the zealot was now curled up on Kakuzu's lap. "Was it the Otogakure?" the miser asked.

"Hell yeah," Hidan answered. "Two of them. Couple of fags named Sakon and Ukon. Seriously, they make Itachi and Deidara look straight, dammit!"

"Any chance you got a last name on them?" Zetsu asked.

"Yeah. Mais."

"I can use that," Zetsu said. "Good work Hidan."

"You're welcome, asshole."

"What happened to those two, un?" Deidara asked.

Hidan grinned. "Let's just say I got rid of some trash."

-m-

"Why were we sent out here?" Kidomaru asked, frowning as he and Tayuya trudge through the parking lot.

"Because the boss is screwing the nerd, fatass was eating, and that Kimimaro bastard never has to do anything," the redhead growled. The two of them were now in front of the dumpster, looking around. The girl growled and kicked the metal bin, clearly agitated. "Where the hell are they?!"

Suddenly, a couple of weak moans were heard. Tayuya and Kidomaru gave each other odd looks before opening the dumpster and peering inside.

There lay Sakon and Ukon, covered from head to foot in garbage and bruises. "What the hell happened to you two?!"

"That bastard…"

"…has one hell of a right hook."


	5. Chapter 4

"Alright Zetsu, what was so important that you couldn't wait until morning to tell us?" Pein hissed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It was three in the morning, and all the Akatsuki members were in the living room, growling and whining at being woken up so early. Tobi and Hidan had actually fallen back asleep on the couch, and it looked like Deidara was about to follow suit.

"I found some things on Otogakure," Zetsu explained. Instantly the others were wide awake. "What exactly did you dig up?" Konan asked.

"Not a lot. **But enough to talk about.** I started looking around online with Sakon and Ukon as tags, and I got a few hits. It turns out that they've been to five schools in the last three years."

"What?!" Konan yelled.

"What kind of punks are we dealing with?" Pein asked.

"The thing is, they've never been thrown out. I know, it freaked me out too. But they've just up and left after a few months in these places. **But that's not the best part.** I was getting to that! **Well hurry up!**"

"What is it?" Sasori asked.

"Every time they leave, a few other kids go with them. Namely, Orochimaru Asp, Kabuto Yakushi, and a few others. **Here's the good part!** The weird thing is, whenever they entered a school, any gangs that were in those places vanished like smoke.**Then, the Oto transfers.**"

"So these guys waltz in, take over, and then just leave?" Kisame asked.

"More or less."

"When did world domination become a weekend hobby?" Pein asked, grumbling softly.

"What do we do now, un?"

"Any ideas?" Pein asked.

"I say we find out exactly how many people are in this Otogakure before we do anything else," Kakuzu suggested. "If they knew Hidan was in the Akatsuki, chances are they know about the rest of us too. We ought to even the playing field a little."

"Hn."

"Good point." Kisame turned to see the weird looks the others were giving him. "Itachi was just saying that he didn't think Hidan would have been attacked if they knew about Kakuzu being his partner, because no offense or anything, Kakuzu, but you can be kind of intimidating."

"None taken," the banker replied.

"Wait, that means they might not know about us working in teams," Sasori said.

"Yeah, but that brings up another question," Pein added darkly. "Sakon and Ukon both attacked Hidan, right? So, are they working in pairs too?"

"I'll make some coffee," Konan suddenly said, standing and exiting the room. This was going to be a long, sleepless night.

-m-

"There he is," Sakon growled, glaring across the cafeteria at Hidan. "Stupid loud-mouthed zealot…"

"Shut up. It's your own damn fault for not being able to cover your ass in a fight," Tayuya said, sipping her milk.

"Language, Tayuya."

"You people are acting like everything was a total failure," Kabuto said, shaking his head. "Look at them. I'd be willing to bet that not one of them got a good night's sleep last night."

"You may have a point," Ukon said. "But I'd rather see that albino asleep in a hospital bed than be wide awake at home!"

"Now what?" Kidomaru asked.

"You'll see," Orochimaru replied, eyes glued to Itachi. _"My, what a pretty boy he is…"_

"Hmm? What do you mean?" Kimimaro asked.

"I'm going to see about knocking another chip out of the Akatsuki myself," the snake replied, lips curling up into a sinister smile. "You six have nothing to worry about right now."

-m-

Itachi had just exited his last class of the day and was walking to his locker. He had to hurry and meet Kisame at the shark's locker, which may have explained why he didn't notice the dark figure behind him until a hand was placed on his shoulder. "Hello, Itachi," a voice purred.

The Uchiha stiffened. Something about that voice made the hairs on his neck stand on end. He slowly turned around to stare into a pair of yellow eyes. Their owner had long black hair, pale skin, and was wearing an old t-shirt that had the sleeves torn off it. All in all, the guy looked like he belonged in a morgue. "What do you want?" Itachi asked.

The man only smiled and moved closer to the weasel. "You're Itachi Uchiha, aren't you? My name is Orochimaru. Orochimaru Asp, if you want the whole thing."

Itachi face's showed no reaction to the name. "You're with Otogakure, aren't you?"

The snake chuckled. "No, my dear boy, I lead Otogakure."

The Uchiha's pulse quickened. This wasn't good. "What do you want?" he repeated.

"I know you're with the Akatsuki, Itachi. And I can see how your precious talents are wasted in that den of fools you call allies. So, I'm here to make you an offer. Akatsuki is going down; it's only a matter of time. How would you like to switch sides before that happens, hmm?"

"You're asking me to turn traitor."

"Don't use such harsh words, my boy. Think of it as abandoning a sinking ship and grabbing onto a nearby life preserver." The snake raised his hand, moving to gently cu the weasel's cheek. "Besides, it's such a shame to see a lovely face like yours on the losing side."

WHAM

Itachi gave the snake a flat look as he collapsed to the ground. There was now a dent in a locker from where Kisame had bashed Orochimaru's head against the metal. "I was wondering what was keeping you," Kisame said. "He give you any trouble?"

"Hn," Itachi replied, kicking the snake in the gut before grabbing Kisame's hand and walking off.

Orochimaru watched the two of them from the floor, frowning. "It appears I now have a shark to take care of."


	6. Chapter 5

-days later-

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Jirobo asked when he heard the plan. "This is illegal, you know."

"When the hell has that ever stopped us?" Tayuya asked. "Besides, these orders are straight from Orochimaru, dumbass. If you want to turn around, go back home and argue with the boss, be my guest, dammit. I, however, want to live." She stopped walking when her eyes caught sight of a certain blonde. "Who is that guy?"

"Tayuya, back off. He's Akatsuki."

"I care, fatass?" she asked. "Look at him! That bastard is hot."

"Language, and I'm going to pretend you never said that."

"While you're at it, pretend you didn't see this," Tayuya ordered, walking across the hallway, making a beeline for the sculptor.

Deidara had just finished putting up his books when Tayuya walked up to him, standing near his locker. "Hello, bastard."

Deidara let out a sigh. "Look, I don't have time for-" he spun around and saw Tayuya, starting. "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were someone else, un."

"It happens," she said. "No sweat, asshole."

Deidara raised a brow. Either this girl had Turrets, or was just plain foul-mouthed. "Are you new around here, un?"

"Yeah, actually. The name's Tay. And you?"

"It's Deidara, un."

"Nice name, dumbass."

"Tay, do you know…never mind, un."

"Deidara, are you fucking doing anything tonight?"

"Um, no, but Tay, I'm kind of taken right now, un," the blonde said, laughing nervously.

"That's fucking fine," she said. _"I'll strangle that bitch!_ So, what's her name? I might know the bitch. _Tell me, and she'll be dead before dawn."_

"Um, the thing is, it's more of a he than a she, un."

"You're gay?!"

"Is that a problem, un?" Deidara asked defensively.

"Hell no! Some of my friends are fags. Oops, sorry."

"It's cool, un. I know you didn't mean it like that."

"So, who's the guy? _That bastard is dead."_

"Sasori Akasuna, un. You know him?"

"Nope."

"Oh." Deidara looked down at his watch, eyes widening. "I'm late, un! I'll see you later, ok?" Before Tayuya could reply, the blonde had taken off.

"Wow. You really left an impression on him," Jirobo said, smirking.

"Shut the hell up, fatass. That bastard's going to be mine!"

"Tayuya, he just said he's gay. And look at him!"

"Being gay just means he needs a fucking girlfriend that'll get him whipped," Tayuya said.

"You're in denial."

"Shut it, bastard. Now come on. We still have a job to do." Jirobo nodded, following the girl down another hallway.

Meanwhile, Deidara had finally caught up to Sasori. "Where were you, brat?" the redhead asked, clearly annoyed at having been made to wait.

"Sorry Sasori danna, un," Deidara replied, nervously rubbing the back of his head. "I got held up at my locker by this new girl, un."

"Did you tell her you were gay?"

"Yes, un! In fact, I told her I was going to meet you, danna."

"Good. The last thing I want is some hussy all over my Dei-chan," Sasori growled. Looking over the blonde, he frowned. "Deidara, why are you wearing my jacket?"

"Because it was cold this morning, and it was right there, un."

"Well give it back, brat."

Five minutes of wrestling later the jacket was draped over Sasori's arm, and Deidara was standing several feet away from him, frowning. "Jerk, un."

"Shut up and move it," Sasori ordered, kissing the blonde on the cheek before shoving him down the hallway. "The others are waiting for us, you know."

"I'm going, I'm going, un," Deidara replied, trudging down the vacant school hall in front of the Akasuna.

-meanwhile-

The two Oto members soon spotted their target; a tall, blue man leaning against a locker, looking like he was waiting for someone. After checking t make sure there were no other people in the hallway, the two teenagers approached him. "Hey, you," Tayuya called out. "You're Kisame Hoshigaki, aren't you? The bastard that's friends with Itachi Uchiha, right?"

"…Yeah," Kisame slowly replied, turning to look at the two of them.

"He said we'd find you here," Jirobo said.

"The asshole's helping us load some crap into our car. He said to get your ass down there and give us a hand."

"That doesn't sound like Itachi…"

"The guy's just sitting on the pavement now, and we can't get him to budge until you show up," Jirobo added.

"Now THAT sounds like Itachi," Kisame said, pushing himself off the locker. "So, where're you guys parked?"

"The back parking lot," Jirobo replied, leading the way. "Sorry to bother you like this, man."

"It's fine," Kisame said. "Itachi can just be like this sometimes. I'm used to it."

"No kidding?"

"Nope. Like the other day…" Tayuya fell behind the two chatting males, unable to hide her smirk. This was going way better than expected.

-m-

"Well, there's one of them," Kakuzu said, pointing to the approaching weasel.

"But where the hell is the shark ?" Hidan asked, frowning slightly.

"Itachi, where's Kisame, un?" Deidara asked.

"Dunno."

"Wasn't he at his locker?" Konan asked. "Or yours, at least?"

"Hn," Itachi replied, shaking his head.

"Maybe he had to stay after for something," Sasori suggested.

"But wouldn't Kisame have told Itachi like a good boy?" Tobi asked.

"I don't know," Pein answered. "Look, how about we head home, and wait for Kisame to either show up or call for a ride. He can explain himself then. Is that good with everyone?" Hearing no protests, the leader climbed into the car, with the others following suit.

Kisame didn't show up that night, and when dawn came there were still no signs of the shark.


	7. Chapter 6

"Where could he have gone, un?" Deidara asked at the breakfast table. Everyone was crowded into the kitchen, trying to figure out what had happened to the shark, with little result.

"Is it possible that he just decided to crash at a friend's place?" Kakuzu asked.

"The bastard doesn't have any friends besides us," Hidan pointed out. "That's why he got drafted into this hellhole in the first place, right?"

"Right," Pein confirmed.

"Um, maybe he…well, he could have…" Konan looked to Itachi, unable to finish her sentence.

"The Oto got him." Everyone turned to shoot glares at Zetsu. "**What?! Everyone's thinking it.**"

"He's right," Itachi quietly replied, resting his head on the table.

All anger in the room evaporated at the sound of the Uchiha's voice. The weasel hadn't slept at all last night, and he didn't look too good this morning. "Itachi…" Konan began, sitting beside the weasel. "It'll be ok."

"You can't promise that," the Uchiha growled.

"What should we do now?" Kakuzu asked.

"…"

"Pein?" Sasori asked.

"Well…"

"All we can do is just go to school and hope for the best," Konan said.

**"At least someone around here has a plan,"** Zetsu growled.

-m-

"Pein, may I see you in my office?" the auburn haired man gave the principal a funny look but nodded, following the blonde woman to her office.

He sat across from her, waiting for the woman to sit before he began. "What is it?"

"Pein, is Itachi feeling alright?"

"Why do you ask?" he questioned guardedly.

"I've noticed that over the last few days that he's been…out of it, to put it mildly. And on that note, where is Kisame?"

"Ms. Tsunade, Kisame has been bedridden for the last few days," Pein lied. "Itachi's been visiting him, and I guess he's coming down with an illness as well."

"Pein, that's a load. But until you feel like telling me what's really happened, I'll buy it." Wordlessly, the Akatsuki leader rose to his feet and exited the office, leaving Tsunade alone with her thoughts.

The woman sighed and leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling. "What is going on in my school?"

-m-

"Itachi?" Tobi poked his head into the weasel's room. "Itachi, be a good boy and get up for school."

"…"

Tobi shut the door and walked downstairs, making the other members stare at him. "Well?" Hidan asked.

"Itachi won't get up," Tobi said, shrugging.

"Great. Just great," Pein muttered.

"Maybe we should just let him stay home from school today," Konan suggested. "It's not like he's actually going to do anything if we make him go, you know."

"But that's another win for Oto, un!" Deidara protested.

"Brat, she's right," Sasori said.

"Don't call me a brat, un," Deidara whispered.

"Calm down," Pein ordered. "The last thing we need right now is another problem."

"Fine un. But I'm sitting in the back today!"

"Finally, some leg room!" Konan cheered.

"You're sitting on the Jashin-damned floor though," Hidan said, climbing in and sitting in Kisame's seat.

"This feels sacrilegious," Zetsu muttered. **"Tell me about it."**

-m-

"Hey, pagan."

Hidan turned around to see Sakon and Ukon grinning at him. "What the hell do you want?"

"Just checking to see how you Akatsuki trash are holding up without one of your men."

"You assholes admitting to taking Kisame then?" Hidan asked.

"Now why would we do a thing like that?" Sakon asked.

"I notice your little weasel friend is gone too," Ukon said. "How pathetic."

"What?" Hidan asked, gritting his teeth.

"I'll bet the guy couldn't even get out of bed without his boyfriend around," Sakon said.

"He probably couldn't get out of bed even when his boyfriend was around," Ukon added, smirking.

"You bastards," Hidan spat out, lunging for Ukon's throat. In only moments all three of them were involved in a brawl in the middle of the hall.

-m-

"Pein, what the hell is going on with the Akatsuki?!" Tsunade bellowed.

"Miss Tsunade, I've already told you, I have no affiliation with Akatsuki."

"Is one of your organization's requirements to suck at lying?! Look, first Kisame vanishes, then Itachi disappears, and now Hidan gets into a fight! You're lucky I'm only suspending him, and not something worse!"

"Thank you for your kindness," Pein said. "I'll see what can be done."

"You had better. Or so help me, all of you will end up expelled!"

-m-

"Ok, this emergency meeting of the Akatsuki is now under way," Pein said. All the members (save for Kisame) were assembled in the living room, trying to decide what their next move would be.

"These Oto guys are ripping us apart," Kakuzu said. "I'm seriously wondering who's next."

"Don't talk like that!" Konan ordered.

"Pein, Itachi won't come out of the emo corner," Tobi said.

"Leave him alone, Tobi," Zetsu ordered. "**The poor guy's had it rough enough.**"

"I still don't get why the hell I got suspended," Hidan growled. "I was only protecting the fucking weasel, dammit."

"That's not a good excuse," Sasori said.

"At least he came to Itachi's defense, un."

"That's beside the point, brat."

"Quit calling me a brat, un!"

"**No arguing,**" Zetsu said. "We have to think of a plan."

"He's right," Kakuzu said.

"But what can we do?" Sasori asked. "We're down two members, Hidan's off the field for a week, and we still don't know exactly who we're up against. To top it all off, these guys are willing to anything to win, even if it means sinking beneath our level and playing dirty."

"Tobi doesn't like the sound of that," the masked teen said, moving closer to Zetsu.

"None of us do," Konan said, rubbing her temples. "And we absolutely have to make a new plan soon, or else things are going to get ten times worse than this." All eyes fell on Pein. "What now?" she asked quietly.

"I…have absolutely no idea."


	8. Chapter 7

Tayuya was walking to her third period class when a very familiar and very angry blonde stormed past her, grumbling under his breath. She immediately spun around and chased after him, curious as to what the problem was. "Yo, blondie!" she yelled out, trying to catch up to her friend/enemy.

The sculptor spun around, ready to yell until he saw it was only Tayuya. "Oh, hey Tay, un."

"What the hell's up with you, asshole?" she asked, frowning.

"Sasori, un," Deidara growled.

"What the hell'd he do?"

"He decided to be a stupid over-protective bastard who won't talk to me, un!" Deidara yelled, drawing several stares from nearby students.

"What the hell are you looking at, fuckers?!" Tayuya yelled, making the teens vamoose. "Is the bastard really that bad?"

"Yes. And I'll have to go home with him later, un!"

"You two are shacking up?!"

"No! Well, um…look, I live with a bunch of my friends in the same house, un, and the only way we'll all fit is if we double up in rooms, un."

"I see," Tayuya said, storing the information away for later. "Well, how about this, jackass? You come over to my house tonight, stay the hell out of that bitch's way until he cools down, and just chill?"

"You'd really let me come over, un?"

"Hell yeah! I like you, dumbass!"

"I'd probably just spend most of the evening whining about my boyfriend problems, un," Deidara warned.

"Better than bitching about girlfriend problems, I guess."

"All right, I'll come over after school, un!" He hugged the girl, smiling broadly. "Thanks, un!"

"No prob."

-m-

"And then he just walks in while I'm in the shower, un!" Deidara cried, chugging his can of soda in an agitated manner.

"Yikes," Tayuya said, staring at the smexy blonde in front of her. The two of them were currently lounging in her living room, talking about guy problems. Well, it was mostly Deidara talking and Tayuya offering advice, but it was close enough in their books.

"I don't know what to do, un," Deidara groaned, flopping back against the couch, staring intently at the ceiling.

"I'd suggest either kicking his sorry ass, or just dumping the bastard."

"The first one might work, but the second one's out of the question, un."

"Why? You have a fucking home to go back to, right? And this bastard treats you like shit all the time, Deidara."

"Yeah, but-"

"Take my advice, jackass. Guys can be one of two things; food, or heroin."

"…Un?"

Tayuya sighed and sipped her Coke, setting the drink on the floor before going on. "Dei, all bastards can be narrowed down to being a bitch's food, or her heroin. If the asshole's food, he fills his bitch with happiness, takes care of them, fills them up (in more ways then one)," she added, smirking at the innuendo. "But, if the asshole's heroin, the bitch is just addicted to them. They'll feel nice and happy sometimes, but most of the fucking time they're just sitting around on their ass, waiting for that brief happy period. If they stay away from the jackass too long, they go through withdrawal; paranoia that they're with someone else, sadness, staring at their damn phones waiting for him to call. And the worst part is, the bastard knows his bitch is hooked, so he'll jerk them around like they're on a fucking leash, just to screw with them," she growled, crushing the empty soda can in her hands.

"…Wow, you're pretty pessimistic, un."

"I prefer to think of it as being realistic. So tell me, Deidara; is this Sasori your food, or just heroin?"

"…" the blonde couldn't answer, because in all honesty he really didn't know.

-m-

Tobi poked his head through the basement door, smiling when he saw Zetsu hard at work at his computer. "What is Zetsu doing?" the boy asked, walking down the steps and into the room.

"Trying to find out more about the Otogakure," the teen replied, fingers clacking against his keyboard. **"So beat it."**

"But Zetsu, Tobi hasn't gotten to play all day," the masked boy whined, moving closer to the schizo.

"**I don't care.** Tobi, working for the Akatsuki is far more important than play time with you. Understand?"

"Yes, Zetsu," the boy replied sadly.

"Good. **Then be a good boy and beat it.**" Tobi nodded, turning and walking back up the steps he'd just come down.

The boy entered the living room, not surprised in the least to find it empty. Pein and Konan were upstairs in their room, working on some new plan, Itachi was confined to his room since Kisame was still MIA, Sasori was working on his puppets while Deidara was at a friend's house, and Hidan and Kakuzu had gone out for the evening. Something about making up for the time they were separated during the school day, if Tobi remembered correctly.

The masked teen sighed and flopped down on the couch, staring at the wall in front of him. "No one wants to play with Tobi," he whispered quietly.

-m-

"Pein, I really think we ought to call the police," Konan said, worry etched onto her face.

"Konan, we can't let the authorities get involved in this," the pierced teen explained, rubbing his temples. "That would drag our bombs, threats, everything into broad daylight. We'd be dismantled in minutes, and the Oto would win. And then…"

"Yes?"

"They'd have no reason to keep Kisame around."

The origami mistress's eyes went wide. "Pein, are you saying they'd…?"

"Konan, they set up a bomb in a classroom knowing full well that it would be full of students. Ruthless doesn't even begin to cover what these people are," Pein said, frowning. "As long as they consider us a threat, they'll see Kisame as useful, since his absence has such a negative effect on Itachi."

"A negative effect?! Pein, Itachi's refusing to eat! He hasn't left his room in days!" Konan cried in distress.

"I know, this is torture on all of us. But Konan, think for a moment. If he's like this when Kisame's missing, what do you think will happen if the shark dies?" Konan couldn't answer. She didn't want to think about that.


	9. Chapter 8

Hidan and Kakuzu had just exited a movie theater and were now walking down the street, heading back to their home. "Thanks for the date, Kuzu," Hidan said, intertwining his fingers with the miser's.

"I can't believe we had to pay fifteen bucks for a couple of movie tickets," Kakuzu grumbled, still agitated by the high prices of theater tickets.

Hidan reached up and cuffed him on the back of the head, frowning. "Quit complaining, dumbass. At least the Jashin-damned movie was nice."

"You had time to focus on the movie?" Kakuzu asked, smirking.

"Only the first and last ten minutes, seeing as that was the only fucking time you weren't kissing me."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," the banker replied, smiling down at his boyfriend.

"…"

"Something the matter?"

"Kuzu, promise me nothing's gonna happen to your ass in this fight, ok?"

"What brought this on?"

"I was just thinking that Itachi's pretty fucked up right now without Kisame around, and…I'd probably react the same way if you just up and vanished, dammit."

Kakuzu stopped walking, reaching up to cup Hidan's cheek in his hand. "Hidan, I swear I'm not going to leave you."

"Promise?'

"Promise." The zealot smiled and wrapped his arms around the banker's neck, pulling himself up into a kiss.

-m-

"So, the little guy's our target?"

"Yup."

"He doesn't look that tough."

"Don't let his looks fool you, Kidomaru. He's the one that beat the living daylights out of Sakon and ukon twice, remember?"

"I know, Jirobo, I know. We'll just have to wait until he and the big guy are separated."

"Size doesn't always mean you're tough. That blue guy didn't put up too much of a fight."

"Jirobo, you had to hit him with a tire iron before he stopped struggling, and he only quit because you gave him a minor concussion."

"Hopefully we won't have to do anything that extreme for him."

"Speak for yourself."

"We won't have to do anything if Orochimaru gets his way though, right?"

"Yup. For now, we just wait."

-m-

Sasori looked up from his work bench when Deidara climbed through the hatch into the attic, frowning to himself. "About time you got back," the redhead called out, turning back to his puppet a moment later. "Where were you anyway?"

"Tay invited me over last night, un."

"Who?"

"Tay, un. She's a new kid, and she invited me over last night."

"Is she going out with anyone?"

"No, un."

"Then she's some slut who's after you."

"Don't talk about her like that, un!"

"Dei, look in the mirror. You're hot, and any girl with a good eye is after you."

"Tay just wanted me to come over to hang out! She knows I'm going out with you, un!"

"Like that'll stop her," Sasori growled.

"What the hell is your problem, un?!"

"My problem is some chick I've never met is after my Dei-chan!"

"Why are you always so possessive, un?!"

"Would you prefer I not care about what you did and just let you go off and sleep with whoever you want without question?"

"We didn't have sex, un! You know I'm gay, Sasori danna!"

"Up until recently I thought I knew that you didn't have any friends outside the Akatsuki, but I was proved wrong about that!"

"You're such a bastard, un!" Deidara yelled, rushing back down the steps and out of the house. He didn't pay any attention to where he was going, and was shocked to see that he'd ended up back in front of his house.

He walked up the walkway and to his front door, grabbing the house key from its usual hiding place and pulling it out, unlocking his door and stepping into the house. "Hello, un?" No response.

The blonde walked into his house, looking around. It was the middle of the day, so he hadn't really expected his parents to be home. However, when he walked into the kitchen, he was given an extreme shock.

There on the refrigerator door were sticky notes left by his mom and dad, informing him that they'd be out late.

He walked up to the fridge in disbelief, slowly pulling the pieces of paper off. "I've been gone for almost a year, un. How could they not have noticed?" At that moment, he heard the sound of keys in the lock to the kitchen door, and a moment later a familiar woman stepped inside. "Hi mom, un."

Instantly the teen was swept up in a hug, very nearly suffocating. "Dei, it's good to see you honey!" his mother said, letting go and smiling at the boy. "It's been ages since I've seen you."

"Yeah, un. Sorry about being gone-"

"Oh, it's fine! The nights that your father and I came home to an empty house were a pleasant change."

"What?"

"You always spend so much time locked in your room, dear! It's good to see that you go out a few nights a month for an overnight at a friend's house! We would have called, but we were scared to disturb your fun!"

"Um, that's fine, un. _Wow. They really didn't notice me moving out._"

"And sorry if you didn't have enough to eat while we were on the cruise last summer!"

"Um, I was fine mom. Really, un."

"Deidara, I'm very glad I caught you," the woman said, setting her purse down on the table, rifling through its contents. "Your father and I wanted to ask you something. After all, there's no point in making you leave if you don't want to."

"…Leave, un?"

-m-

Sasori had gone out for some fresh air after his fight with the blonde/ he hadn't meant any of what he'd said; it was just stress getting to him. He'd had a lot on his mind lately. But he couldn't just say that to the blonde; Deidara would demand to know what was wrong. And Sasori just couldn't tell him right now…

The sun was setting by the time the Akasuna returned to the house. He walked through the living room, up the stairs, and straight to the attic ladder, which he quickly ascended.

To his surprise, the blonde was rushing about, stuffing clothing and sculptures into bags. "Going somewhere, brat?"

"I'm moving out, un."

Sasori wasn't too shaken up. The blonde tended to overreact when upset. "Where to? Your old home?"

"Boarding school, un."

The puppet master's heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"My parents thought it would be a good idea for me to start attending a boarding school instead of Konoha High, un."

"They can't do that! Deidara, why didn't you try to stop them?!"

"Sasori, they asked me if I wanted to go, un. And I said yes."

The redhead was feeling very sick right now. Deidara had done some crazy things when he got mad, but this was going overboard. "Deidara, there's no way I can handle a long-distance relationship."

"Neither can I, un."

"…Dei, what are you saying?"

The blonde stopped packing and turned around, a blank look on his face. "Sasori, I'm breaking up with you, un."


	10. Chapter 9

"WHAT?!" Pein bellowed when Sasori told him the news.

"You heard me. Deidara's moving out," the Akasuna said, eyes glued to the floor.

"What did you do?" Konan asked.

"Why is this my fault?!" Sasori snapped.

"Because you're the guy's roommate, boyfriend, and the reason he moved here in the first place," Pein said.

"Apparently I'm a bastard, and breaking up with me wasn't enough! He had to move 200 miles away just to make sure there was enough space between us before he could be happy!" the Akasuna screamed, storming out of Pein's room, slamming the door shut behind him.

The two remaining Akatsuki members heard the sound of him stomping down the hallway, followed by the sound of the attic trap door opening and shutting. "I don't think he'll be coming out for a while," Konan muttered.

"I can't blame him," Pein growled, downing a few painkillers for his head. "Kisame, Itachi, and now Deidara…how many people are going to be knocked out before those guys stop?"

"I don't know, honey. But I want this over soon."

"You and me both, dearest."

-m-

"Itachi?"

"…"

"Itachi, it's Tobi." Still getting no response, the masked teen walked into the dark bedroom, heading straight for the weasel, who was currently sprawled out on his bed. "Itachi, Tobi brought you some food."

"…"

"Itachi, be a good boy like Tobi and eat." The weasel looked at his cousin, shaking his head.

"Please Itachi? It's really important that Itachi eats."

"…"

"Itachi, everyone is worried. Kisame and Deidara are gone, Sasori's mad all the time, Zetsu's uptight, and Pein and Konan are really scared that something's going to happen to the rest of us. Everyone would be really happy if Itachi would be a good boy and eat."

The weasel stared at his cousin for a few moments before sitting up and taking the bowel of ramen out of Tobi's hands. To the masked teen's delight, he slurped up a few of the noodles before handing the bowel back Tobi, lying down and rolling over to face the wall. "Thank you Itachi!" Tobi cried, rushing from the room to wash the dishes like the good boy he was.

"…Kisame, where are you?"

-m-

Zetsu nearly had a heart attack when the door to his room was thrown wide open. "Zetsu!"

GLOMP

"**Tobi, get off me!**" the schizo yelled. He'd gone two days without sleep, and was in no mood to put up with Tobi's antics right now.

"But Zetsu, Tobi has big news!"

"What?"

"Tobi got Itachi to eat! It was just a little ramen, but Itachi still ate it!"

"**What do you want, a medal?**"

"No," the boy said, joy fading at the coldness of Zetsu's voice.

"**Look, I honestly could care less what happens to the weasel, so if want to tell someone, tell Pein!**"

"Zetsu…"

"What now?"

"Wasn't Tobi a good boy for getting Itachi to eat, instead of moping in bed?"

"I guess. **Now stay out of my way. We have work to do.**" Tobi nodded, walking back up the steps and out of the basement, extremely dejected.

He was tempted to actually do as Zetsu said and inform Sir Leader that the weasel had eaten, but decided it against it. He didn't want to get yelled at by another person today.

The boy was about to head upstairs and play with Deidara, when he remembered that the blonde had recently moved out, making Sasori extremely grumpy. It was like the blonde had taken all of the Akasuna's happiness with him when he left.

The masked teen stood in the hallway, looking at nothing in particular. What now?

-m-

The auburn haired leader was walking down the school hallway, deep in thought. The Oto hadn't made a move in a while, which was just as well, seeing as the Akatsuki was currently falling to pieces. If there was any hope of salvaging his group, he'd have to come up with a plan, and soon. There problem was, the pierced teen was drawing a complete blank on what his next move should be. "Pein Pungare, I presume?"

The teen spun around to stare at a man with yellow eyes, black hair, and a sick smile on his face. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"The name's Orochimaru. Oro-"

"You're the Oto bastard, aren't you?" Pein growled, eyes narrowing.

"That's a rather rude way of putting it, but I suppose I am," the snake replied, his smile never leaving his face.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Control of this school."

"Besides that, you pathetic excuse for a serpent."

"Now now, there's no need for name-calling, pin cushion," Orochimaru responded. "I just came here to negotiate."

"What makes you think I'll listen?"

"The fact that I currently have the upper hand, among other reasons."

"Your demands?"

"The Akatsuki is to immediately disband. Your members can either fade back into the background of high school, or join my organization. In exchange, the attacks on Konoha High will stop, and your blue friend will be returned to you."

"No dice, snakey. Go slither back into whatever hole you came out of," Pein ordered, walking off.

Orochimaru stood there, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "What a stubborn fool that man is. I suppose I'm going to have to show him exactly how dangerous it is to mess with me."


	11. Chapter 10

RING RING

Kidomaru picked up his cell phone after the second ring. "Hello?"

"It's me."

"Hey boss. How'd it go?"

"Their leader refuses to cooperate. Go ahead and move on with the plan."

The teen grinned. "Got it, boss," he said, hanging up once the line went dead.

"Well?" Jirobo asked.

"We've got ourselves a zealot to find."

-m-

Tobi ran into the kitchen, crying as quietly as he could. He knew that good boys weren't supposed to cry like this, but Zetsu had yelled at him again, and it really hurt him.

"Zetsu is so mean," he whimpered, pulling a milk carton out of the fridge and a glass out of the cabinet, quickly pouring himself a drink. "All Tobi does is try to be a good boy, but he still gets yelled at. Why?" He sipped the milk, thinking to himself.

As he was putting the milk back in the fridge, a thought suddenly occurred to him. "Maybe…Zetsu doesn't like Tobi?"

-m-

"Tobi? **Where is that little brat…**" Zetsu was currently in search of his friend. He'd decided that enough was enough, and he needed a break from his computer for a while. And what better way to occupy his time then to be with his sweet little Uchiha? "Tobi, we're not playing hide and seek. Come out already." Still no answer! He must have really upset the masked teen if he was ignoring Zetsu like this.

As he made his way into the kitchen, he decided to halt his search long enough to grab a bite to eat. No point in looking for Tobi on an empty stomach, after all. More than likely his anger would make him yell at the boy again, which was something he wanted to avoid right now.

The hacker opened the fridge, rummaging around in it until he found the plastic Tupperware container he'd labeled as his own. He smiled as he pulled it out, eager to eat. As he extracted it, however, he caught sight of a note attached to it. Raising a brow, he pulled off the note, bringing it close to his face to read.

"Zetsu, Tobi is sorry he's been annoying you lately. Tobi seems to be annoying everyone lately. So, Tobi is going far, far away, so he won't ever bother the Akatsuki again. Bye-bye."

"…"

"Zetsu, could you move out of the way?" Sasori growled, trying to get to the fridge.

"…"

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Tobi's gone."

-m-

Pein had reread the note three times, and still the words weren't any easier to choke down. "Do you have any idea how long he's been gone?"

"No."

"Zetsu, is it possible that Tobi just got upset and decided to run away from home like a little kid would do?"

"I don't think so," Konan said, walking in and interrupting the two men. "I was just outside. This was in our garbage bin," she whispered quietly, holding out something for everyone to see.

The item was Tobi's mask.

"…I want Hidan and Kakuzu back here immediately," Pein muttered. "No one is to leave this house until everyone is home. Understood?"

"Got it," Konan said, exiting the room.

Zetsu followed her, talking to himself. "…Tobi's gone. **He can't be.** He is."

"Of all the times for this to happen, why now?" Pein muttered, holding his head in his hands.

The Akatsuki seemed to get a break when Kakuzu walked into the house a moment later. "Thank goodness you're here," Konan said, hugging the banker.

"What's happened now?" he asked.

"Tobi's run off. We have no idea what to-wait, where's Hidan?!"

"We split up. He went to his house to see how his family was doing, and told me to go ahead and come back here. He said there was no point in me waiting around while he chatted with the relatives."

"You idiot! We can't afford to split up right now! What if the Oto gets him?!"

"Konan, I'm sure he'll be fine," Kakuzu said, trying to reassure the woman.

-hours later-

"Where the hell is he?!" the miser demanded, pacing around the room. Everyone had been gathered in the living room, and they were all waiting for Hidan to show up, extremely worried. "If something's happened to him…" the banker couldn't even finish his sentence, shaking his head.

"Please Kakuzu, calm down," Konan begged. "You're making the rest of us nervous just from watching you."

"I can't help it!" he snapped. "I never should have let him go off on his own. I'm such an idiot!"

"Don't beat yourself up," Sasori growled. "We already have enough issues without you adding to the problem."

"Shut up, puppet boy."

"Make me."

"Both of you calm down," Pein commanded. "As of now, we have no clue what's happened to Hidan, so we can't afford to get ourselves worked up over nothing. It's highly possible that he's just at his house, talking or sacrificing something with the other family members. We can't be sure of anything right now."

Kakuzu would have argued, when the heard the sound of a car engine roaring down the street. "What is that?" Konan asked, gritting her teeth as she heard the maniac driver slam on the brakes.

They could hear the sound of a car door opening and shutting, and a moment later the sound of the car speeding off into the night. "What was that about?" Sasori asked.

"Dunno," the female said, climbing to her feet and walking to the door, opening it to look outside. "Probably just some punks dumping their trash-OH MY GOD!" she screamed, running out of the house. The others jumped to their feet, following after the female into the night.

When they saw what was wrong, they were very nearly sick.

There, dumped on the side of the pavement,, unconscious and bleeding, was Hidan.


	12. Chapter 11

"It's over," Itachi muttered, pulling his knees up to his chin in the easy chair.

"Don't be so pessimistic," Sasori ordered, looking across the room at the weasel.

"He's right," Zetsu said, helping to bandage the still-bleeding zealot. Most of Hidan's wounds appeared to be superficial, and nothing seemed to be broken, but the Jashinist would have several lovely cuts and bruises decorating his body for the next few weeks. "**We're finished.**"

"Stop saying that," Konan demanded. "We're not going down. We just need to-"

"Give it a rest Konan!" Kakuzu yelled, startling the female. "Look around you! Deidara's off at some boarding school, we don't know where the hell Kisame and Tobi are, Hidan's been beaten to a pulp, and you and Pein don't have a fucking clue what to do next! Meanwhile, Otogakure is barely lifting a finger to rip us apart, and we still have almost nothing on these guys! Face it; we've lost."

"We have to give up, before things get any worse. **If they even can.**"

"What about Kisame?"

"Will you just shut up about the shark?!" Sasori yelled, finally snapping. "Ever since he disappeared you've been moping around the house, whining for your stupid boyfriend! Well I for one am sick of it."

"At least Kisame didn't dump me and run off," Itachi spat out, eyes flashing red. In an instant Sasori was on the other side of the room, hands around the weasel's throat.

"Get off of him!" Pein ordered, running over to aide the Uchiha. It took Kakuzu's help to pry the puppeteer off Itachi, and even then he was still kicking and glaring at the weasel. "Sasori, get a grip!" the leader ordered.

"**He's just pissed because he knows Itachi's right,**" Zetsu said plainly.

"Oh, like you've done such a good fucking job as a Jashin-damned boyfriend?" Hidan asked, joining in the fight. "Where the hell's Tobi then?" Now it was Zetsu's turn to snap and attack.

Kakuzu immediately released Sasori to defend his boyfriend, allowing Sasori to try and attack Itachi once more. Konan had to restrain the Akasuna with Pein's help, while the Uchiha sat motionlessly before them. "Calm down, all of you!" Konan ordered.

"Why should we?! If the Akatsuki's going under, you're not in charge anymore," Sasori growled.

"Give us one good reason to listen to you," Kakuzu spat out.

"BECAUSE WE'RE A FAMILY!" Pein screamed.

Everyone in the room froze, eyes glued to the leader. "What?" Hidan asked.

"You heard me," Pein said, dropping his grip on the now-still Akasuna to walk to the center of the room. "We don't have a drop of blood in common with one another, we've got completely different backgrounds, and none of us think or act the same, but we're still a family.

We've lived together, eaten together, set fire to buildings together, everything! Like it or not, the Akatsuki members are more then fellow workers in an organization now, and all of you know it!

But ever since this Otogakure showed up, we've fallen to pieces. All because those scumbags want control of the school. Well fine then! They can have it! The Akatsuki is over. I'm willing to let this organization fall to pieces in front of me, but I'll be damned if those bastards hurt any more of my family!"

"Pein…" Konan breathed, eyes wide.

"There," the leader said. "I've said my peace. You people can do whatever you want now." The pierced man silently turned around and walked out of the room, silently walking up he steps that led to his bedroom.

He walked inside and shut the door, walking over to his desk and sitting down, head in his hands. It was over. The Akatsuki had failed. He couldn't look at it any other way. They'd done their best, tried everything, but in the end it didn't matter. It had still crumbled around his ears, and had shown him just how pathetic a leader he really was.

Oh well. At least if they quit now, the others wouldn't get hurt by Orochimaru. Hell, he might even be able to salvage some of his sanity-

The door creaked open, interrupting his thoughts. "Pein, will you please come downstairs?" Konan asked.

"What for?" the leader asked, wanting to simply crawl into his bed after taking some of his Advil.

"Please, it's urgent," she replied, excitement creeping into her voice. Raising a brow, Pein climbed to his feet, following his girlfriend down the stairs and back into the living room.

Everyone was seated on the couch, and all eyes fell on Pein when he entered the room. "Yes?" he asked.

"Pein, we thought about what you said," Sasori began.

"And you're right. **Unbelievably, we really are a family.**"

"So Pein, we get why you want to let the Oto win," Kakuzu went on. "You want to protect us-"

"But we're going to be damned if we let those assholes destroy the Akatsuki," Hidan interrupted, smirking. "Besides, they've been screwing around with us for a hell of a long time. We owe them a little Jashin-damned payback."

"You're all in agreement with this?" Pein asked incredulously.

"Hn," Itachi replied, the others nodding with him.

Pein couldn't believe what he was hearing. Even now, after their friends had been kidnapped, run off, moved, and been violently attacked, these guys still wanted to go at it. Moreover, they intended to go into this and come out on top. So this was the Akatsuki's true face.

"What now, Sir Leader?" Konan asked.

The man though for a moment before speaking. "We're going to rip the Oto into tiny little pieces," he declared. "But first things first. I want the rest of our family back in this house."


	13. Chapter 12

Deidara tossed his uniform to the foot of his bed, pulling an oversized t-shirt out of drawer. He smiled at the soft texture of the fabric against his skin. The blonde hated how starchy the school's uniforms were, but it couldn't be helped. He had to wear them, the laundry woman loved putting starch into clothes, and that was that.

He looked around his room, frowning at the emptiness of the plain dorm. Deep down, he'd rather be back home, curled up in bed, staring at the mural on the attic wall while Sasori's arms wrapped around him, pulling the blonde into a warm embrace-

The blonde ferverently shook his head, trying to dislodge the thoughts. No, he'd broken up with Sasori, moved to this boarding school, and that was that. He needed to forget about the redhead and move on.

His inner voice called him a hypocrite for saying these things a moment later when Deidara climbed into his bed and clutched a small doll to his chest. It was the puppet Sasori had given him at Christmas, and for some reason the blonde was unable to part from the doll.

"At least I'll always have Chibi danna, un," Deidara whispered, holding the Sasori look alike close. He shut his eyes, intent on falling asleep, when he heard a strange thumping noise coming from outside his window. "Hmm?"

The noises stopped, and a moment later, Deidara heard the sound of his window being opened. He shut his eyes, heart pounding in his chest. "_It's either a burglar or a rapist! Oh please be the first one,_" he prayed, tensing as he heard footsteps coming closer and closer to his bed.

"Deidara?"

The blonde's eyes shot open at the sound of the familiar voice. He shot up in bed, turning to look into the startled eyes of Sasori. "Danna, why are you-"

WHAM

The sculptor's eyes drooped shut as his world went black.

-m-

When Deidara regained consciousness, the first thing he heard was the sound of a car engine, accompanied by the feeling that he was moving. He blinked his eyes open, and as he looked around he realized he was driving down a dark highway in the Akatsuki car. "Un?!"

"You're finally awake."

Deidara jerked his head to the left to see Sasori driving the car, eyes glued to the road. "Where are we going, un?!"

"Back home," Sasori explained.

"You kidnapped me, un!"

"I know, I was there."

"Sasori, turn around and take me back right now!"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Why not?!"

"Simple. I love you."

"I don't care! You had your chance, and you royally screwed it up, un! Always going around, acting all spacey, then snapping at me whenever I'm around someone other than you, un. What is wrong with you?!"

"You want the honest truth?" Sasori asked, voice wavering slightly.

"Why not?"

"Dei, I'm scared."

"…Come again?"

"Deidara, Sasori went on, staring at the road in front of him, "I am scared that I'm not going to be able to take care of you. What am I going to do for a job? Are we just going to spend the rest of our lives in Pein's house because I can't afford a crappy little apartment?"

"…"

"I don't know what we're going to do one, five, ten years from now. And the worst part is, I know that there are other people out there that have everything worked out. People who actually can give you everything you need. And it really makes me worry."

"…Sasori, pull over, un."

"Deidara, I am not letting you hitchhike."

"Pull over right now, un!" the blonde ordered, unfastening his seatbelt.

Not wanting the blonde to get hurt, Sasori finally pulled the car over to the side of the road, shutting off the engine. "Dei, you are not-" the redhead was cut off by the blonde diving into his lap, pressing his lips firmly against the puppet master's.

Sasori gently pushed the blonde away, only to have Deidara kiss him again. He gave in, arms wrapping around Deidara's waist as they kissed, pulling him closer. The Akasuna stared at the sculptor when they broke apart, awaiting an explanation. "Well?"

"I just realized that Sasori danna is food, not heroin," the blonde explained, nuzzling into the puppet master's neck.

"I'm what?"

"It's a long story, un," Deidara said, smiling.

-meanwhile-

Zetsu walked over to a swing set, sitting down by a hunched figure on the ground. "Far far away doesn't usually mean a few blocks," he said.

The teen on the ground looked up at him, eyes wide and questioning. "Zetsu, how did you know?"

"Because you love coming to play in the park. **It was obvious, Tobi.**"

"Go away. Tobi's not bugging Zetsu, so Zetsu should do the same."

"**Ouch.** Tobi, I came here to apologize."

"Leave Tobi alone."

"Tobi, won't you be a good boy and just listen?"

"…Maybe."

"**We'll take it.** Look, I've been working nonstop to find info on the Oto. I guess it kind of made me grumpy. **You guess? We've been a complete you-know-what to Tobi, idiot!**"

"So, Zetsu was a bad boy?"

"**Yes, Zetsu was a bad boy.** And Zetsu is very sorry for it."

"Does Zetsu mean it?"

"Yes."

"Then Tobi guesses he forgives Zetsu," the boy said.

The schizo smiled and pulled the Uchiha to his chest in a tight hug. "Zetsu's very happy to hear that. **And now, Zetsu is going to stop talking in third person.**" He frowned as a new thought crossed his mind. "Tobi, why did you throw away your mask?"

"Tobi was worried the others would come looking for him, but Zetsu's the only one who's seen Tobi without his mask, so Tobi decided if he got rid of the mask, the Akatsuki couldn't find him."

"**Smart kid.** That's our Tobi," Zetsu said, making the boy grin and snuggle closer to the hacker.


	14. Chapter 13

"Alright, who are we still waiting on?" Pein asked, looking around at the Akatsuki members.

"Just Sasori and Deidara," Konan replied. Just then, the door to the house opened, revealing the two missing artists.

Sasori walked in and tossed the car keys to Pein, his other arm wrapped around Deidara's waist. "Here," he called out. "Hey, did you guys get Tobi back?"

"He's right here," Zetsu said, motioning to the sleeping boy who was leaning against his body. "He was at the park."

"I hate to break up the happy fest, but we're still short one shark, remember?" Kakuzu said, eyes falling on the depressed Uchiha who was still seated in the easy chair.

"Good point. What's the plan?" Sasori asked.

"Right now, I want everything we know about the Oto on this table for everyone to see," Pein ordered, seating himself on the couch before the coffee table. Zetsu left to get the data, while the others clustered around the table on the floor.

The hacker returned a moment later, carrying a few papers and several printed out pictures. "We don't have a lot, but here it is. Most of the stuff we have is on Orochimaru and Kabuto. **Bastards grocery shopping, standing outside school, making out in the park-**"

"Wait, un," Deidara ordered, grabbing a picture off the table, bringing it closer to his face.

"What is it?" Konan asked.

The blonde's eyes were focused on the picture, a frown on his face. "That's Tay, un!" he cried, setting the picture down, pointing to a figure in the photo that was standing in the background.

"You know her?" Konan asked.

"Yeah, un! I stayed over at her house a while back."

"No fucking way," Hidan muttered, eyes wide.

"What, you know her too?" Zetsu asked.

"We're cousins."

-m-

"Which way now, Deidara?" Pein asked, steering the car along a deserted road. The group had waited until sundown before heading out, providing cover for their mission.

"Left, un," the blonde said, leaning forward in the seat he was currently sharing with Konan.

"Mind telling us what your cousin's story is?" Kakuzu asked.

"The bitch's name is Tayuya, but she'll go by Tay sometimes," Hidan began, a grim look on his face. "She's f-ing ruthless, foul-mouthed, in your face-"

"A perfect Jashinist?" Konan asked.

"Hell yeah. At least until she renounced him."

"I can only imagine how that went," Sasori said.

"We threw the bitch out on her ass, and we haven't seen her since."

"So she went off and joined an evil organization just for the heck of it," Pein finished, glaring at the pavement in front of him. "Nice."

"We're here, un," the sculptor said, pointing to a house on their left.

Pein immediately pulled over, shutting off the car engine. "Alright, everyone knows what to do now, right?"

"Right," the others chorused, exiting the car behind their leader.

-m-

KNOCK KNOCK

"Who the hell is it?"

"It's Deidara, un."

The blonde listened to the sound of feet shuffling across the floor, and a moment later the door to the house opened, revealing an annoyed female. "What the hell do you want?"

"We need to talk," Deidara said. He stepped back, and a moment later Tayuya was tackled to the ground by two blurs of orange and red.

-m-

"Let me go, you fucking bastards!" Tayuya ordered, pulling at the ropes that were wrapped around her torso. The female had been tied to a kitchen chair, courtesy of Sasori and Tobi.

"Not a chance in hell, bitch," Hidan replied. Making Tayuya look at him and glare. "Oh, it's you."

"Shut the hell up, bitch."

"Hidan, go make yourself useful and cut the phone line," Pein commanded. "In fact, cut the power while you're at it."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

Pein thrust a sledgehammer into the zealot's hands. "Start smashing until you see sparks. Understand?"

"Got it!" the Jashinist replied, rushing out of the room. Moments later, the group heard the sounds of walls and appliances being smashed by the silver haired teen.

"Now then," Pein said, turning his attention back to the captive redhead. "I want information out of you. First off, where have you people taken Kisame?"

"Screw you," Tayuya snapped, glaring at the man.

"Pein, let me talk to her," Itachi said quietly.

"Itachi, I don't think that's such a good idea-"

"Let me talk to her," the weasel hissed, eyes flashing red.

"Ok," Pein answered, quickly backing out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Tayuya looked Itachi up and down, smirking at the teen. "What the hell are you going to do, pansy?"

-five minutes later-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! OK, I'LL TALK, I'LL TALK!"

Kakuzu and Pein ran into the room to see Tayuya wide eyed and panting with Itachi standing on the other side of the room. "What did you do?!" Pein demanded.

"Hn," Itachi replied, walking out of the room.

"…We really need to get that shark back."

-m-

Kisame didn't bother to look up when he heard the sound of a car drive up, then shut off. He was seriously getting sick of those Otogakure punks coming around every other day just to throw him a bowl of ramen and throw a few overused insults in his face-"Kisame, where the hell are you?!"

The shark did a double take. There was no way the zealot was all the way out here…

"Kisame, say something!" Konan yelled.

There was no way he was hearing voices. The Akatsuki was here. "What are you guys doing out here?!" Kisame yelled in disbelief.

"I heard him, un!" Deidara yelled. A moment later Kisame heard he sound of someone colliding with the side of the house, followed by the sound of the blonde swearing.

Only a few minutes later the sound of the door being kicked open was heard, flooding the rotting shack with light from her lantern. "Kisame!" Konan screamed, rushing at the blue man, glomping him.

"OOF! Konan, I'm fine."

"You're tied up in a shack out in the middle of nowhere!" the female screamed, sitting up and climbing off of him. "Everyone, get in here!" she cried, making the shark wince from the volume.

As soon as Hidan came in through the door Konan pounced on him, pulling a knife out of his pocket, immediately beginning sawing through the ropes on Kisame's wrists. "How the hell'd you know about my knife?" Hidan asked.

"I took a wild guess that you had something sharp and pointy on you," she replied, too focused on her work to notice when Pein and the artists came in.

"Good to see you again, Kisame," Pein said, smiling in relief.

"Nice to see you too," the shark said, rubbing his sore wrists. "Anything happen while I was gone?"

"Not much." By now, everyone but Itachi and Tobi had come in, and where clambering over the shark, grateful to see him alive and in one piece.

"Kisame's ok!" Tobi yelled, flying through the air to glomp his friend.

"**Tobi, get off,**" Zetsu ordered, pulling his boyfriend off of the blue teen. Just then, Itachi walked into the shack.

No one said a word as the Uchiha crossed the room, stopping in front of Kisame to stare up at the shark, an expressionless look on his face. Kisame stared at his boyfriend, hand reaching up, then dropping back to his side. He finally took a deep breath and spoke. "Itachi, are you ok?"

SLAP

Kisame's eyes widened as his head jerked to the side from the force of he slap. "No I am not ok!" the weasel yelled, eyes flashing angrily.

"You never show up at my locker, you go missing for months, and I'm stuck at home worrying myself sick about you, because I have no clue if the Otogakure has killed you, tortured you, or worse! And then, we finally kidnap one of their members, who tells us that you're tied up in some backwoods shack! We get here, untie you, and the first thing you say to me, the FIRST THING, is am I ok! WHAT THE HELL, KISAME?!"

By now, everyone in the room was staring at Itachi in complete and total shock. Kisame was the first to recover and bent down to be eye level with the Uchiha. "You finished now?" he asked gently.

Itachi nodded, arms jerking up to wrap around the shark's neck, burying his face in Kisame's neck. The shark wrapped his arms around the weasel, looking to Pein and mouthing "Five minutes," before returning his attention to Itachi. The leader nodded and motioned for the others to exit the house, leaving the two alone.

Kisame began rubbing his hand up and down the Uchiha's back, nuzzling him gently. "I asked you if you were ok because I was worried about you, angel. Besides, I'm fine."

"You've lost weight," the weasel argued.

"So have you," Kisame retorted, squeezing the weasel's sides. "You haven't been taking care of yourself while I'm gone, have you?"

"Hn."

"There's the Itachi I know and love," Kisame said, grinning when he saw a brief smile cross the weasel's face. "Now come on. The others are waiting for us." The shark gracefully swept up the Uchiha, carrying him to the door bridal style.

"Hn."

"No, I will not put you down."

-m-

Dawn was just breaking as the Akatsuki drove back to their apartment. Konan looked in the back and smiled.

Tobi was curled up in Zetsu's lap, and Itachi had tucked his head into the shark's neck, a rare smile on his face. Kakuzu had fallen asleep against the window, with Hidan curled up at his feet, arms wrapped around the banker's leg. "You know, having one car isn't all bad," the female stated.

"You're just saying that because you have yaoi at your feet," Pein muttered, motioning to the two artists asleep at her feet, tucked into each other's arms.

"Maybe," she replied. "At least we're all back together now."

"Right," Pein replied, a sadistic smile crossing his face. "And now, it's time for revenge."

"We attack at dawn, right?"

"…You can be so cruel sometimes."


	15. Chapter 14

Immediately after returning to the house, the Akatsuki began plotting their plan of attack. Tayuya had given them the names of all the Oto members, meaning that Zetsu was now able to run extremely thorough background checks on them, giving the teens all the ammo they needed to take down the Oto. At least, that was their hope.

Ten days later the Akatsuki drove into the Konoha High parking lot. It was early in the morning, and the teens doubted that even the teachers were here right now. "Alright, everyone knows what they have to do, right?" Pein asked. Nod and calls of confirmation were heard from all members. "Good. Let's move out."

-m-

Otogakure had gone on high alert after walking into Tayuya's house and finding her bound to a kitchen chair, with several lovely holes in her wall, couch, and spice rack. "Tayuya, what exactly did you tell them?" Kabuto asked.

"Nothing," she replied.

"Why do I find that hard to believe?" Orochimaru hissed, eyes narrowed at the redhead.

"Look, all the bastards wanted was your names and where the hell that shark was," the girl said, shrugging. "No harm."

"Unless they've got a hacker with them," Kabuto stated.

"Tch, what the hell are the odds of that happening?"

"All the same, we need to be careful," Kimimaro said, a concerned look on his face.

"He's right," Jirobo agreed.

"You're just glad I'm in trouble, fatass."

"Language, Tayuya."

-m-

Pein watched the approaching car carefully, peering out from around the corner of the school. "Are we ready?"

"Yes, but Pein…" Kakuzu began, fumbling for the right words.

"Yes?"

"Are you sure we should be doing this? We could very easily bring about an end to civilization as we know it."

"Kakuzu, this is the only way." Pein took a deep breath and reached into his girlfriend's purse, rummaging around. "Tobi, could you come here for a moment?"

"What is it, Pein?"

"Tobi," he asked, holding up an aluminum can, "do you know what this is?"

"No."

"Tobi, this is an energy drink. I need you to be a good boy and drink the whole thing."

"Why?"

"Just drink it. And when you finish, you can go play with those nice people over there."

"Ok Pein!" Tobi chirped, opening the carbonated drink and chugging it.

"Is this really such a good idea?" Sasori asked.

"It's madness, un," Deidara said.

"That's why the Oto will never see it coming," Pein stated, smirking when Tobi tossed away the now-empty drink can.

-m-

Tayuya screamed as she was tackled to the ground by an orange blur. "Hiscaryladywowyoulookmadbeagoodgirlliketobiandjus tbehappyisthatacar?"  
Tobi sprang onto the roof of the Oto's vehicle, crawling around and peering into the windows. "Wowthisisprettyprettypretty!"

"What is going on?!" Kidomaru yelled.

"They're attacking!" Sakon exclaimed.

Tobi jerked around and saw Jirobo. "BigguybigguyNEEDSAHUG!" he glomped the man, nearly making the two of them crash to the ground.

"Everyone, spread out!" Orochimaru ordered, eyes darting from side to side. "I want those Akatsuki guys taken down immediately!" Moments later the group had run off, leaving Tobi alone on the pavement.

"Alright, time for phase two!" Pein cried, signaling for his group to disperse.

-m-

Sakon and Ukon had managed to escape together, and were currently hiding behind the school's dumpster. "What was that?" Ukon asked, referring to Tobi.

"I don't know, and I think it's better that way," Sakon replied.

"Wow Hidan, they really do look like future drag queens."

"Told ya."

Sakon and Ukon looked up at Sasori and Hidan. "Hello, assholes," Hidan said, smiling as he cracked his knuckles, a sadistic look in his eyes.

The twins put up a struggle for all of two minutes before Sasori had them hogtied with wires left over from his recent puppets. "In you go," the Akasuna said, heaving Sakon into the dumpster while Hidan did the same to Ukon.

"This is it?" Ukon asked. "You're going to dump us in here?"

"That's your big plan?" Sakon added.

"Not quite," Sasori said, smiling as he and the zealot walked away. A few minutes later, the twins heard the sound of a vehicle backing up, followed by the dumpster being lifted. "Oh crap," they muttered.

Sasori and Hidan watched from a safe distance as the garbage truck emptied the dumpster's contents into the back, before backing up and driving off. "I think that went rather well," Sasori said.

"Hell yeah."

-m-

Jirobo had taken shelter inside of the empty locker room, nervously looking around for the mysterious orange assailant. "What was with that guy-"

"Hello, Jirobo." The man turned around just in time to get a punch in the face, sending him stumbling backwards. "That was for the tire iron," Kisame said, smirking.

"And I believe I owe you a little payback for what you did to Hidan," Kakuzu said, walking up to the Oto member and popping his neck as he approached.

Jirobo gulped. This wasn't going to end well.

-m-

Kidomaru decided it would be safest to take shelter in a room. The only problem with that plan was the fact that almost all of the classrooms were still locked up. Finally, he found an unlocked door and ducked into the room without a second thought.

As it turned out, he'd managed to find his way into a supply closet. The Oto member began feeling around, trying to find the light switch in the pitch black room. That felt like a can of aerosol, and there was a broom handle, and now he felt something…

Fluffy?

Frowning, the teen began squeezing the mysterious furry object, which also felt rather warm. Apparently the thing had teeth as well, because the next second Kidomaru was bitten. "OUCH!" The male retracted his hand, rubbing it fervently. "Must be rats," he muttered.

"No, I'm afraid it's much worse," a monotone voice said, nearly making the Oto member jump out of his skin. Before he could even ask, he heard the soft click of a light switch being turned on. His eyes widened, and he began shaking. It wasn't because of Itachi being in the same room, or the fact that the weasel now stood between him and the door, oh no.

Kidomaru was scared out of his mind because the closet was filled to the brim with bunnies.

-flashback to Kidomaru's childhood-

_"Mommy, look!" A little boy cried, pointing to an Easter display in the store. "It's the Easter bunny!" he exclaimed, pointing to a man in a rabbit suit with goofy ears, a wide open mouth, and oversized hands and feet._

"That's right, sweetie," the woman said. "Do you want to give him a hug?"

"Uh-huh!" the child declared, smiling happily. He ran towards the man in the rabbit suit, intent on getting his hug. "Hey, Easter bunny! Over here!"

"Why hello there-WHOA!" the store worker tripped over his insanely large rabbit feet, plummeting to the ground. Unfortunately, Kidomaru happened to be standing between the doomed man, and terra firma.

WHAM

"AHHHHH! I can't see!" The child screamed. His head had been lodged into the rabbit's mouth, and he was unable to free himself. "MOMMY!"

-m-

After several hours in the ER room, Kidomaru had finally been freed of his furry prison. Still, the event had scarred him for life. "Don't worry, Kidomaru," Itachi said in a calm voice. "You're more scared of them then they are of you."

"S-Shut up!" the teen ordered, eyeing the rabbits carefully.

"Kidomaru?"

"What?!"

"Do you know what rabbits really fear?"

Uh-oh. "No," the teen answered weakly.

A cruel smirk crossed Itachi's face as he reached down into a cloth sack at his feet, pulling out a small ball of fur. "Weasels," he answered.

Instantly every rabbit in the room became alert, waiting to see what the Uchiha would do. He smiled and tossed the weasel into the bunnies, knowing full well what would happen.

You see, most people think of rabbits as adorable balls of fluff. They all too often forget that those balls of fur have sharp claws and teeth, and are fully capable of using them when provoked and/or frightened. In this case, it was the latter.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Kidomaru screamed as the rabbits began running over him, clawing at him in their attempt to escape the rabid weasel. Itachi was out the door in an instant, smirking as he locked the door. "Don't ever mess with my family," he muttered, pitching the keys into a nearby garbage can.

-m-

Kimimaro turned the corner and nearly collided with Kabuto. "Ouch! Watch it!" the nerd yelled, adjusting his glasses.

"Do you have any idea where the others are?" Kimimaro asked, ignoring the hacker's rudeness.

"No, but Orochimaru has to be-" Kabuto was cut off by the sounds of tires screeching against the pavement. The teens froze when they saw a car heading straight for them. The vehicle suddenly swerved, screeching to a halt mere inches from the two terrified Oto members. Seconds later the side door was flung wide open.

"There they are!"

"Grab the heathens!" Several hands shot out, latching onto the males' clothing and pulling them down into the car, before pulling the door shut. The driver floored it, and the car shot across the pavement and out of sight.

Zetsu smiled from his hiding place. "Those zealots are rather useful. **When they're not trying to convert us.** Good point."

-m-

"To blow it up, or not to blow it up, un. That is the question. A rhetorical question, but a question nonetheless, un."

"Just set it off," Pein ordered.

Deidara sighed and shook his head. "You really do have no respect for true art, un." Still, he couldn't hide the smile on his face as he ran to a safe distance and crouched down, pressing the switch in his hand.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Deidara grinned happily as the Otogakure's car was blown sky high. "That is why true art is a bang, un."

"For once, I think I'm in agreement with you. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to carry out the final phase of our plan." Deidara nodded and ran up to the burning wreckage, dropping a small folded card in front of the twisted metal. Once the deed was done, he quickly ran off, waiting to see the spark's fly.

-m-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

As soon as Orochimaru heard the explosion and saw the smoke rising out of the parking lot he ran back to his car, arriving in time to see the fire dying down. "What the hell happened?"

He spun around to see a near bald Tayuya staring at the remains of their car, paint covering her body. "I think I should be asking you that," he retorted.

"That damn brat caught me in the fucking arts and crafts room, ok?" she snapped, glaring at her leader.

"The bunnies…the bunnies…" An extremely bloody and scratched up Kidomaru stumbled up, looking visibly freaked out, body moving in jerks as he approached the two of them.

"Kidomaru?!" Tayuya asked, eyes wide with shock.

"The bunnies," he murmured again.

"Where's everyone else?" Orochimaru demanded.

"No clue," Jirobo said. The group turned to see a black and blue Jirobo looking down on them, trying to stop the blood flowing from a cut above his eye.

"Damn, you look like crap," Tayuya said.

"Language, baldy."

"All of you shut up," the snake hissed, practically seething with rage. "I want to know where the hell those Akatsuki…" his voice trailed off when he caught sight of the folded up slip of paper on the ground, the Akatsuki emblem proudly drawn on top of it. He bent down and picked it up, unfolding it as he stood up.

"Oto, we've gotten our revenge now. Come up to Tsunade's office, and let's talk about this man to snake, Orochimaru. With hate, Pein."

Orochimaru wadded up the piece of paper and took off through the crowd of students that had formed around the wreckage of his car.

-m-

Pein smirked when the door to the office flew open, revealing an enraged snake. "So glad you could come, snakey. Would you mind shutting the door?" The teen slammed the door shut, locking it for good measure. "Thank you."

"Cut the small talk, pin cushion," Orochimaru hissed, radiating hatred. "What the hell did you people do?!"

Pein sighed and rose from the desk he was seated on, brushing his fingers across the papers scattered over Tsunade's desk. "Just a little payback for what you did to my family."

The Oto leader snorted. "Your family. You actually call those freaks your family? How sickening."

"No, what's sickening is what you did to them," Pein snapped, allowing anger to creep into his voice.

"What? Are you talking about kidnapping that blue guy? Attacking, oh, what's his name, Hidan?"

"Both times," Pein spat out.

"Hmmph. He had it coming."

"Is that the reasoning you used when you people set up the bomb in our school?"

"Now that had nothing to do with you."

"You tried to frame Deidara."

"Your point? The blonde would have gotten caught eventually."

"Orochimaru, I'm warning you. Don't ever go near my family again."

"I should be the one threatening you! After this little stunt, I'll rip every last one of you to pieces, even if I have to take down this whole place to do it!"

Pein smiled and reached back onto Tsunade's desk, picking up the intercom microphone. "Students, this concludes your morning announcements. Thank you for listening, and have a great day." With that, Pein flicked off the intercom, grinning at the stunned Oto leader.

"You-how could-you tricked me!"

"That I did," Pein replied, walking over to the principal's closet.

"This isn't over, pin cushion."

"No, it's actually about half over. I decided that simply forcing you to rat yourself out wasn't enough. So, I did this." Pein grabbed the door knob and opened the closet to reveal a rather disgruntled looking Konan. "Orochimaru, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Konan.

Now, Konan is a very nice person most of the time. The exception to that occurs when she is PMS-ing. And guess what? It's that time of the month.

Furthermore, she likes yaoi when she's PMS-ing, but recently the Oto has virtually destroyed her in-home yaoi." The auburn haired man turned to his girlfriend, smiling at the female. "Konan, here's a spork. Have fun." The Akatsuki leader quickly bolted from the room, Orochimaru's pain-filled screams echoing in his ears. "Mission accomplished," he whispered, feeling better than he had in a long time.


	16. Chapter 15

Tsunade ran into the building shortly after the announcements clicked off. She couldn't help but grin as she dashed down the nearly empty hallway. Pein had tricked Orochimaru into confessing, and there were a good hundred witnesses on campus that could testify that they'd heard it. Moreover, the pierced man had kept anything having to do with the Akatsuki out of his mind game, so his group was safe. Pein had definitely thought this plan out down to the last detail before moving out.

However, as Tsunade came closer to her office, she began hearing howls of agony piercing the air. Had the snake lost it and attacked Pein?

That idea evaporated when the principal saw the auburn haired man propped against her door, a smile on his face. "Pein, what is going on in my office?!" she demanded.

"My girlfriend is showing Orochimaru just how dangerous she can be on her period," he replied, smile growing wider as he spoke.

"As much as that guy deserves it, I'm going to have to ask you to stop."

"Fine," the Akatsuki leader said, pulling a candy bar out of his pocket and opening the door a fraction of an inch. "Konan, I have chocolate for you." Tsunade watched as the girl practically flew out of the room, pouncing on the sweet and nearly taking off Pein's fingers in the process.

She peered into the room to see Orochimaru face-down on the floor, groaning in a puddle of blood. "...Why does Orochimaru have a spork in his leg?"

"Because I couldn't get it to stay in his skull," Konan growled, nibbling on her candy bar.

"I'm going to pretend I never heard that," Tsunade said, watching as the two teens quickly made themselves scarce. A moment later, the principal heard the sounds of police sirens approaching, probably due to the car explosion in the parking lot.

She smiled once again. "Well played, Pein. Well played."

-m-

The Akatsuki members were gathered in the parking lot, watching as their enemies were carted off. The police had decided to send the Oto members to the hospital first, considering what kind of shape the remaining teens were in. "I'll get you people for this!" Orochimaru declared as he was dragged into the ambulance.

"Somehow, I doubt that," Pein muttered.

"Hey, did you hear what happened?," A passing teen asked his friend. "The Akatsuki destroyed Otogakure!"

"What?! No way!"

"Way! I heard the got the CIA to drag off two of the guys earlier!"

"Hidan, where exactly did you send Kabuto and Kimimaro?" Kakuzu asked.

"The JRCH."

"The what?"

"The Jashinist Reeducation Camp for Heathens."

"...You're kidding, right?"

-several hundred miles away-

"Alright asshole, we're going to try this again. Who the hell is your god?"

"No one! And where is Kimimaro?!"

The man in the front of the room sighed and flipped a switch.

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

"We can keep this up all day, you Jashin-damned punk," the man said, nearly oblivious to the smoke coming off the electrocuted boy. "Let's try that one more time. Let me hear you say Jashin is your god, dammit."

"Never!"

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

-m-

"This is yet another reason Jashinists scare me," Sasori said, everyone but Hidan nodding in agreement.

-m-

Tsunade pulled up in front of a quiet looking house, killing the engine once she parked.

She climbed out of her car, walking up to the door in a calm manner. As she approached the house, she heard several loud crashes and thumps from within the house, accompanied by more than a few screams. Now slightly nervous, she rang the doorbell and waited.

Much to her surprise, the door was opened moments later by Pein. "Principal Tsunade?" he asked, somewhat surprised.

"Hello Pein. Is this a bad time?"

"No, we're just making dinner," he replied, stepping out of the house and shutting the door behind him. "What brings you to our humble abode?"

"I just wanted to tell you in person that all the Otogakure members have been expelled. Including the four members that are currently unaccounted for," she added, eyeing the man before her warily. "You wouldn't happen to know where they've disappeared to, would you?"

"Not a clue," the man said.

The door was suddenly thrown open to reveal an excited looking Hidan. "We nailed the bastards! Dinner's in ten." As quickly as he'd come out, the Jashinist ducked back into the house.

"What did he mean by that?" Tsunade asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"The squirrels got loose, so we had to catch them," Pein said, shrugging. "Care to stay for some squirrel bacon?"

"That's disgusting."

"Actually, it's delicious."


	17. Epilogue

-several nights later-

"You did it, honey," Konan crooned, snuggling into Pein's side.

"Does this mean you're going to quit making fun of my leadership skills?" Pein asked, looking down at his girlfriend.

"That question implies that you have leadership skills," Konan pointed out, smirking.

"Ouch," Pein muttered, frowning.

Konan merely chuckled and pushed herself up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm just kidding," she said, lying back down against his side.

"I know," Pein replied, staring at the ceiling. He shut his eyes and sighed quietly. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but things are finally back to normal."

"What exactly is your definition of normal?" Konan asked, making Pein smile and lightly bop her on the head. "Meanie," she pouted.

"You know full well what I'm talking about," the pierced man said. "We can finally sleep in our beds without having to worry about attacks every time we leave the house."

"It's gonna be a little boring then," Konan whispered.

"I know. But there's not much we can do about that, is there?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Konan, what are you plotting in that devious little head of yours?"

"Well," she began, "next week is spring break. And I was just thinking that we need a little vacation from here…"

"Konan, it's far too late to try and make reservations at a hotel, no matter where we went."

"Who said we'd need a hotel room?"

"…Oh no. No no no no NO!"

Konan grinned wickedly at her boyfriend. "Road trip."

-m-

"Where exactly did you get this?" Kisame asked, staring at the van before them. Pein and Konan had gotten up early and left the house before the others were awake. The duo had returned a few hours later with an old 1960's era van, complete with faded peace signs and flowers drawn on the side, probably in lead paint to boot.

"The less you people know, the better," Pein replied, walking into the house. "Pack your bags. We leave in an hour."

"WHOOOOO! Road trip!" Hidan exclaimed, punching his fist into the air.

"And no packing explosives, bleeding animals, squirrels, or anything of that nature! Got it?"

Groans and complaints were heard from all Akatsuki members.

-one hour later-

The bags had been packed, the house had been locked (and booby-trapped) and everyone had crowded into the back of the seat less, windowless van, save for Konan and Pein, who sat in the front. "Are we ready to go?" the auburn haired man asked, turning on the engine when he heard calls in the affirmative. One minute later, they were on the road.

Ten seconds later, Konan and Deidara were wrestling for control of the radio.

"Let me find something, un!" Deidara ordered, trying in vain to grab the dial on the radio.

"Never!" Konan declared, trying to shove him away, accidentally changing the station as she did so.

"Ka-boom Ka-boom! Ka-boom Ka-boom!"

"I love this song, un!" Deidara cried, returning to the back of the van to dance along to the music.

"You would," Pein growled.

"Hidan, what are you eating?" Kakuzu asked.

"Squirrel jerky, asshole."

"But it's bleeding.

"I didn't have enough time to cook the Jashin damned meat!"

"Zetsu, Tobi has to pee!"

"You can hold it in until we stop for gas. **Severe kidney damage builds character.**"

Itachi snuggled deeper into Kisame's lap, sighing as his eyes drooped shut. "Hn."

"I know, Itachi. But they're family."

-m-

Pein looked in the rearview mirror of the oddly silent automobile to see that the others had finally conked out.

Kisame and Itachi were curled up in the far corner, the shark's arms wrapped tightly around the weasel's thin frame. Directly across from them in the other corner was Kakuzu, who had amazingly been able to stretch out and lie on the floorboard, Hidan squished again his side. Tobi had fallen asleep with Zetsu's head in his lap. The only couple Pein couldn't see was Sasori and Deidara, who were resting against the back of Konan's seat, thus blocking themselves from his view. Still, it didn't take much guessing to figure out that they were probably snuggled into each other as well.

Even Konan was asleep, her head resting against the side window, a half-finished paper crane laying in her lap.

Pein smiled to himself as he carefully turned downed the radio, leaving on a little white noise to help the others sleep, but making sure the volume was down low enough so that a sudden burst of guitar music would rip them from their slumber.

As he stared at the road in front of him, he shook his head. If two years ago, someone had walked up to him and told him that not only would he be able to form the Akatsuki within the span of one year, but also get a family to love and take vacations with, he would have laugh in their faces. Yet here he was, driving down a deserted highway, eight psychos in the back of a hippie van and his girlfriend riding shotgun, and actually be happy about it. Life was great.

Now all he had to do was find a gas station with a map and find out exactly where the heck they were.


End file.
